I came across this picture the other day (from my previous work at the Croatian ministry) and thought about how it perfectly shows what is expected from women in the Balkans.

Girls are expected to be perfect daughters, sisters, girlfriends, and eventually wives to one man (and of course, to take his last name, except in situations where an emancipated woman adds her own surname). They are expected to earn the love of his family and then be the perfect mother, grandmother, and aunt.

Women in interviews often talk about how they excel in household chores and successfully balance family obligations and careers; they cook better than Gordon Ramsay and look like sex symbols.

Regular church attendance is also a must.

One thing is always common for women in the Balkans: guilt. They can be judged in an instant, targeted by comments, and always blamed for something.

It's a very complex role that women are expected to fulfill, while men are often forgiven in advance.

As a Generation X woman, I like to think that many things have changed over the decades. Sadly, the rates of femicide and the marches for women's rights to make decisions about their bodies and lives remind me that there is still much work to be done.

So, for me, being a woman in Sweden is a relief. It's also often confusing.

Scandinavian countries top any chart on equality. All the numbers are impressive by Balkan standards, and the policies are smart and long-term.

I knew all this, but I was still often surprised by the equal treatment in practice.

Everyone addresses both me and my partner equally: in stores, institutions, and situations where I was used to being invisible as a woman.

My first real culture shock came when a handyman, during some renovation work, asked what do I think. This happened while my male partner was standing right next to me. :)

This equal treatment was both surprising and refreshing. It made me realize how deeply ingrained certain expectations were in me.

I felt seen and heard in ways I hadn't before.

I felt unseen and unheard in ways I hadn't felt before, too.

This new environment challenged me to rethink my identity and my role as a woman.

Sweden is seen as one of the most gender-equal countries in the world. They have the longest paid parental leave (16 months), with at least three months for dads. Daycare, schools (including university), and afterschool programs are free. Swedes are very liberal about household duties: men and women share responsibilities, and there are no stay-at-home moms.

Despite all this, it might be naive to expect that there is no gender bias. I just read an article by Pernilla Wittung-Stafshede where she says that Sweden's reputation for gender equality might not be as good as it seems. *

She claims: "A female researcher still encounters gender biases in Sweden. How many men have been suggestively approached by a senior colleague? How many men have gotten teaching evaluations with comments on being “hot” or on their choice of clothes? How many men have been mistaken for a secretary when they were really the chair of a meeting?"

What I find different, though, is that this is not an unwritten norm, and there are no women here (I hope) who will say to take it as a compliment, as I have heard many times before at my previous jobs.

There’s still a pay gap at work, with men getting paid nearly 10% more than women. But the gap is shrinking, with the Swedish Women’s Lobby being one of the actors promoting equal pay.

What I see in schools is that equal rights and opportunities for everyone is a guiding principle.

Other things I notice:

no one thinks women's soccer is silly;

sports commentators on TV are often women;

women over 50 are also present on TV, looking however they choose;

high heels are not mandatory,

and there is no catcalling on the streets, even when passing construction sites.

No one is personally offended by women's decisions about whom to love or whether to have children.

Good enough for me. :)

Happy International Women's Day!

*https://www.biophysics.org/blog/is-the-gender-gap-solved-in-liberal-sweden